[i'm not sure what to do now, other then get a layer, if you have an extra thousand or so, you're welcome to get a hold of me!]
the end.
yesterday was fabulous!! my brother came up and visited me!!! he was on his way up to mum and dads & i happen to be lucky and live right in the middle :) i haven't seen him in...well, since august! AGES as far as i'm concerned...and it was wonderful. he had some time off, and since there's umpteen number of feet of snow at home, he decided what better place to be! he made me extremely envious of his travels: lots of powder, lots of power! does it get any better?? but i have to stay here and work. why. why. why!??
yeah...that brings me to another subject. work. work is lovely... in, the worst way. i don't mind the actual work part of it, but these days it seems like there is so much more to it, then just work. its convoluted. and confusing. and every word that = doesn't make sense. and then add some. i start at 4:30am, pretty early, kinda earlier then most people should be up....so this morning, i give my brother a big hug and then we drive in opposite directions. he goes north to snow land and i go to work. i drive into town, turn onto main street and then off on to the side street, i slow down, put it into first and turn the corner into the alley.
and there's a guy....just walkin' down the alley, at 4am.
my first thought. "REMEMBER WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE"
i jot down a few things to memory, pass him and drive the next 50 feet to the back door of my work. i stop 10 feet short, so i can see if any out of the ordinary happened. and i'm just as smart as i expected. it helped that we got nice skiff of snow overnight - those foot steps to the back door were where he tried to get in were pretty dam visible!
its really frustrating. number 1: because my boss doesn't care about us. number 2: because she doesn't live here and she doesn't care. number 3: because i have to work 2 hours by alone at 4 in the blinking morning!!!! number 4: because i don't really have a choice, i live in a small town, there just aren't many options job wise. number 5: because my boss doesn't care.
did i say my boss doesn't care? do i sound bitter?
[i think maybe the whole reason this blog is really here is so i don't have to complain about these things out loud, but not JUST complain, i come to great conclusions by writing it all out... its therapeutic really, i don't even know if anyone reads this and it doesn't really matter]
so...yeah. i wanted, so badly to put it in reverse, and peal out of there and never go back. and its really screwed up, cause there's a few people i work with that are really awesome, but it makes a huge impact on your sense of worth when your boss couldn't give a shit about you. i like what i do, i like that its getting close to easter and that i get to make lots of hot cross buns, and that i have costumers that order the same thing every week, and that i make their orders exactly to their specifications. because i care. i don't even know them, i will never even meet them, but i care about them. if i can make something for them, that will in some way make them happy - that is what makes me happy. that's just who i am.
and what do i get for that? zip.
one thing: i've learned that there are ways i am NEVER going to treat people. well, i've learned lots of things that i'm never going to do.
its not really as bad as i make it sound. it just really gets to me some times and the fact that i don't have any options just make it worse. but it is screwed up, there is no doubt about that.
i did call the cops though. i'm not sure if it will do any good...it hasn't before, as far as i know...but maybe one day it will.
when i got home around12:30, it was beautifully sunny & warm. i went for the bestest of runs - in a tank top!! it was amazing. seriously! absolutely gorgeous! that one hour after work somehow can make a whole 8 hours disappear. and for that i am truly thankful.
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